


Took You Away

by SistersCutiePie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3626931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SistersCutiePie/pseuds/SistersCutiePie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Based off the song 'Epilogue' by The Antlers) Dan has depression after Phil's death, and he is told to write a letter to Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Took You Away

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on tumblr a while ago but I am reposting it here! I hope you enjoy!

“I remembered the day it happened, the day I lost Phil. It was December the seventeenth, I was sleeping in his room because I wanted to be there the moment he needed something. I woke up pretty early, it was 6:47 in the morning and I had just gotten a little over two hours of sleep. I was obsessed with checking on him, especially then because the doctors had told me that the cancer wasn't getting better, and that he was in stage 3. I went to put on a shirt and as I looked at Phil, I just-” Dan choked and started to cry, he wiped off the tears that were staining his cheeks, and toke a few deep breathes, but “he wasn't breathing, and I couldn't either. I grabbed his shoulders and shook him; it was stupid I know. I thought maybe he was joking or something but he wasn't. I ran to my phone and called 999, they got there really quick and they pronounced Phil dead.” Dan had put his head in his hands and bawled his eyes out.

"Daniel, do you need a tissue? I have plenty." The therapist asked.

"No, no, thank you though I don’t want to be a bother." Dan said as he quickly wiped his face with with his shirt.

The therapist that went by the name Susan, gave him a soft smile and handed him the box of tissues that were next to her. “You’re not a bother, Dan. But I need to ask you too do something.”

Dan took the box and smiled.  
“What is it?” He took a soft tissue and wiped his nose and cheeks.

"When you get home, can you get a piece of paper and write a letter to ,Phil? I know that he meant a lot to you, but if you write a letter talking to him I feel like it could help let you come over this lost. You don’t even have to bring it to me, unless you want."

"I can write the letter." Dan said as he stood up and grabbed his coat, "Thank you Susan." He said.

"It’s not a problem dear." Susan said standing up and putting her clip board and pen on the the seat. "I’ll see you next week, have a safe trip home." She chirped as she opened the door for Dan.

"See you then." Dan frowned and walked out of the office, and called for a taxi to take him to his flat.

Dan sat on the couch with a piece of paper and a pen. Then slowly put the tip of the pen on the crisp sheet of lined paper. His hand writing was somewhat sloppy but legible.  
‘Hi Phil.’ No, that wasn't good enough, Dan thought as he marked it out, and started again.  
‘Dear Phil,’ no that wasn't good either.  
‘Its Dan.” This time Dan, got upset, he crumpled the paper and threw it, he was never good enough but he needed to write this letter. He sighed and toke a deep breathe, as he started once more on a new piece of paper.  
‘Phil, it’s January the 28th. It’s been a month and eleven days. I wouldn't even call it a month it’s been a nightmare. I've started to see a therapist, not like dating, I mean for depression, plus I could never replace you. I miss you to much, I could never find someone like you ever again. ‘

'I've been really sad, every morning I wake up in my room excepting to see you, but there's no breathing body next to me, and it's just horrible. I feel like it's my fault that you got cancer, that you died. But now it's not a fucking cancer war, and you were sleeping in the morgue. I should have watched you more, I should have stayed up and make sure you were okay. I'm so fucking stupid. '

'I went to your grave yesterday and sat there for 2 hours. I've been doing that a lot lately.’ Dan felt like crying but he couldn't. So he continued writing. ‘Last week I had PeeJ over, he made me eat. I've forgotten to since you've left. I feel like it’s not important, but when I do eat I eat everything. I've grossed myself out just thinking about it…. I haven’t made a video for a long time the fans understand but I feel horrible, they knew, we told them about the cancer and about us. But I feel like they won’t know what I’m feeling.’

'I had a dream last night, and you where there. I was so happy to see you. But you were standing there, just staring. I ran to you and went to hug you but you just shoved me and started yelling and hitting me but then you started crying and were apologizing. I Just sat there crying too hugging you, and you hugged back. This dreams is recurring, no matter how hard you hit me I can't scream.' Dan started crying and watched as his tears hit the paper. 'Phil I haven't let anyone go into your room, the house smells like you, you have dirty clothes lying around, and yet I feel like there's nothing here that's yours.'

'Phil please come back. I'm so lonely, I miss your cute lips, the stupid cat stickers you stuck on everything, I miss the way you cheered me up, and miss watching you fix your hair. I missyou so much if I don't have you againI mayjust kill myself, justto be withyou again.I'm sosick please just come home. I love you so much please phil.'

Dan folded the paper, tears rushing down his face, and put it on the table in front of him before looking at the time. It was 6:47 in the morning and it would be the last he saw before he saw Phil again.


End file.
